I want To be a Star

猛烈的的午后，潮热的夜晚，把我都搞得没心情了。热死了。 很平常，平常到都快走完08年了。刚发觉有点充实，看了很多，学了很多。是不是今年又再沉淀多一点，看到更多人生的韧性，也更成熟了吧？有吗？ 哈哈，还是那样喜欢打破砂锅问到底的自己，不知道去哪了。有回来吗？ 可能很多时候，开始了解答案有时不是很重要，过程更胜于答案。可是往往我们却追求一个答案。。把自己换出来，在旁边看看自己，是不是答案就是过程？？ 过了三天的学习搏斗，得到的分数还算满意，可能缓和了自己，就是高兴咯。继续加油，快搞定了。

现在的感觉就好象无法呼吸。快淹没了。 我的心变成了一个容量，一直在装那一点一点的哀。今天，满了。满得溢出来，变成眼泪了。把我弄得快淹没了，开始呼吸困难。整个人浸在水里，摸索，希望可找到水面。。 溺毙了吗？？ 可能我的悲哀无法和跟人比，因为我是渺小的，可能别人面对的要比我更沦陷。 谢谢你的伴随，让我暖了起来。

原本务实的我，被现在的社会观念污染了。 我已经不再是以前的我了。。。

我现在好像迷路的的小船，在无尽的大海，盲目的漂泊着。。 我知道事实的来临，我也用倒数的方式，来慢慢迎接着悲伤的到来。。 今天，带着功课的压力，些些浮躁的心情，陪了一个朋友去拿将成为属于自己的乐器。刚拿到，那一股喜悦，是无法言语的。我是旁人，都替他开心。 可是我的心灵又在作祟。很不巧的，我将失去所有，既羡慕，又嫉妒。变成我很罗嗦，说个不停。其实，我今天可以选择不去。因为，到最后，我一定是最心痛的。我还必须微笑说我没事。自找麻烦。可是看到最好的朋友终于拥有了，还是少许的快乐，因为当初对自己的承诺啊！！ 所以，我还是心甘情愿。 我很想给自己希望，让自己好过些。可是反差的，如果没的话，不是让自己更down 吗？ 所以都是抱着一种心灰的心情去迎接。。反而好过些 不是第一次了，所以知道要怎样去面对。。可能对自己残忍了一些，不过熬的过的。我还有我的家要努力，可能还不是时候吧？？ 现在，距离期限还有一些时间，我在忙碌念书，可能不会想太多吧？没事的，我尽力的告诉自己。。

看到桌上的介绍书，又连起了我的后悔。后悔当初没选stpm.那无情的感觉又来了。。无情啊。。 我不是已经决定好了吗。为什么感觉还是那样？越来越不明白自己了。。。

my tears just well out from my eye...non stop.. because of pain?? because what i had reliase just now?? i cant help with this.. i had bear it . make it stop , it just like that........

i just receive a big new.It was really pain new from my friend. I cant blame anyone. It is not their problem.When i heard that, me just like falling down from the climbing.My heart make me so pain.Why the thing i really likes but cant belong to me??is me greed for these?i m too much?? i m really appreciate wat i have. i just relaise that they are not really mine.Really just not mine.I just happy like a noob that i can be more close with all these.I just realise that. i ask myself. y was i so stupid .why should i make myself like that?i had fall down before..y must i keep fight for nothing untill now? sometimes i really hate my fate. y everything from my side will start to futher with me.And also let me close up a while, then force to leave again. I was so stupid.Why everytime made myself like that..i m wrong wrong wrong. what wrong? wrong to close up with music.............

Many thing to write.but i just less here to write sumthing.For my starting of sem 2, worring about changing of group.But i had worried for nothin.. for going back to hometown on weekend..nice to eat, but not nice to stay at home. i found that i dont like to stay at home anymore.it just a public.no such thing like "home" anymore. donno y these few day feel extra low spirit.Maybe i m too emotional.many things come to me. Hard to accept it.But i think all these thing had held long ago.But i m still cant do anything of it.

在一年一年的岁月里，我们都不断地在我们的岁数增加，也在我们的心灵上磨练。。 悲伤，眼泪不断的在累积，所连在的磨练也在人们的心中，不断烙上更深的印。我并不说明这全都是不快乐的。但我认为伤悲带给人的成长，大大的在成长中累积人生经验。丰富了自己的眼光。在看事情时，会更明白事理，更懂得为别人着想。 眼泪流了下来，又发现自己了解多一样东西，可能心里会痛了些，可是都会是一个经历。它堆积了人的忍耐，包容。 但是，我相信这些也会带来不良。可能跌了一次，而在那一次，如果爬不起来的话，他永远都是悲观主义者。 对与错，真与假，慢慢的在我们的道路上摸索着。。。

I had made a mistake that make her so unhappy.Just kept blaming myself why always forgotten evrthing while busy. i think m always like that . The responsible that i had promise to the others but i din t ake the responsible.Make ppl around sad only. sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry iknow my wrong ady .. pls dont unhappy.. i will take this as a reminder to change myself.. thanks dar!

Actully i had past a really ordinary holiday sem break in my hometown..KLuang..my lovely small city that much slower motion life and nice place there.Not much entertaiment but make ppl relation nearer because of less influence but more comunication. i was say bye to dar by a emergency call.To see my fall ill granma.Mummy was cry and ask me if her mother died,how.I really dunno how to answer the question but just kept remain silent and comfort with some words. After some mediccal treament, gramma still ok.But doctor also said it was nothing can continue to cure ady,He say just see werther to make her happy with see her with care. I was packing and going back by my dad car.After reached. just walking around my house and see all various thing in my house i had long time been not seen. I had done many thing at house and met with my BB friends and old friends.and stayed at home to accompany my family. It was a nice holiday.Oh ya, i oso learn some sentence..不要因为失去而哭，要因曾经拥有而笑。。dunno why liste...

really long time din upgrade my blog ady.Many to dro down here.But always lazy to com quite a months ady. the words for my dar.. my own thinks and minds within these time.. somemore.. but now i m using friends computer, i think not so convirnient to write anything gua.. next time bah.. but can say is, i am quite happy with the holiday now in Kluang. ang hanging arond with all my buddy friends, much thing to talk.until we are tired, even gettin sore throat ady..hehe.. anyway , nice day more, miss dar so much wo almost one week din see her liao.. coming back soon . see u soon lo

My sem exam day no mood ady. concert... exam ... y must stuck together??

For missing the 2 day practice.. i think i had miss lott of thing gua.. no matter how excited to coming Inti band camp on saturday.

妈妈好像接受了。。 可是心里不好受。。 妈妈一定很失望的。 可是我又不想没有音乐。。 矛盾。。

Happy Hari kebangsaan!! and it is my uncle marrige!!Today we just wake up. then after we all had "dim sum" for breakfast then we straight go to take the bride. when there ,the brother team had make a lot of effort to rob the bride from the sister group. it is quite fun and saw them do thing to make them satisfied??haha,after going many tuff game , finally my uncle get the bride!!after done the the "drink tea" tradition. We heading back to the house and wait for the night dinner come. My cousin and me were going to prepare ourself by go dressing out ourself..We go cut hair, buy shirt and somemore yum cha...more loo like a girl shopping day. When night , I was assign job by my uncle to do the receiption job.All the job is just to read the chinese character that most of them not really can understand . I can do this because i was come from a chinese sch background.At that time , the thing most annnoy is my father keep warn me not to drink any alchohol. La la la, make ...

yi yi mean my aunt, and she is my mummy sister lo.going there for waiting my family come to KL...because of my daddy jobs, so they will late until nite.I jus follow yiyi them to buy stuff and prepare for the marrige tomolo lo.. when goin to poh kong(the gold shop la),all woman see that and buy there...wondering that my mummy had long years din make up herself ady..mummy really a best woman i ever met. she never querimony that no money for her to make up or enjoy.aiya daddy oso din do anything for this...so bad de..woman mah...always wishing to make herself pretty de..so sad to my mummy de ler~~ then after this i decide to take out money for her to buy watever she want..trying to give her a surprise.. when she come~~i still need to make her angry about the band stuff~~ ya i m oso not really a good guy as my father~~hahahaha scaring now...waiting for her to come...

Ya i want a break here~~ not going to read not going to think not going to annoy not going to trouble not going to touch not going to phew~~~ i jus need a small rest to continue on tomollo bar~~ watching movie with gangs there.. and sleep well tonight.. GOOD NITE N HAVE A NICE DAY!!

Exam ~ exam~~stress ar....many things stuck together now~~exam, concert,mummy,practice,uncle marrige,love.Hey i m a busy guy now... sot pluk~~ almost want to fainted ady..now jus back with school rushing for the exam..now everyway can see my note book. All are waiting me to look at them.But now still conside werther want to tell mummy??dont talk this first~~today just fooling around in the dining and just act like a crown....really outstand from the the original willliam~~ hmm..oso thinking of dar dar here~~wonder what she is doing now~~msn again~~haha,addicted wont stop ady..miss u here o~~ Ya, there is still a problem for me ~~my concert ticket la.I really cant sell anything to others ler??how har~~My friends all around me not really interest in band de wor.Looks like i m more like a freak..if cannot sell ~~i really dunno how..

Should i telling my mum about the truth??or still making a rumour to passby this time??i know i had been kept this for 2 months long.It had made me suffer and suffer for these few months.i was the person who once talk lie~~no peace day for me.Somemore she is my mother! OMG~what i gonna to do.Before my plan was when the sem 1 result out then i will tell her for everything. I really want to prove her~~ So, Who gona tell what can do now??she will be coming on saturday.But i will still have practice for the coming saturday and sunday.Oh no, choosing again~~

不知道该怎么办好。。刚老妈打了电话来说下个礼拜会来“4天”。。。四天，我听了都快晕了。。今天练了一整天，好累了。。下个礼拜还会练两天长时间。。本以为只缺席半天的，现在到底该怎么办？？ 本打算好是在考完试才告诉她的。可是现在好像不行了啦。。到底该怎么办？？烦烦烦！！！

又过了一天。。脑海里都浮现着你。也不知道，心中多了很多感触。当我们在每个不同的阶段，看东西也会有不一样的感想。不一样的角度，看出来的东西，也是有所改变。 今天盲目的在上课，忘了时间的过去。真的，我更加学会了要去宽容人，用爱来融化。以前总是认为爱没什么。而现在，我发觉它有多么重要。我必须爱护我身边所有人。。我不会用言语来表达，可是已经包含了所有。我学会了。。

憋了很久了，今天终于说出口了。。其实一早就很想说可是不清楚对方嘛。。一定会记得今天的。。因为今天是我们的第一天哦。还有小蚱蜢做见证！！i love u...

迫不及待，到来了。。可以更了解大家。。当天下午跟roei and lily集合后，就在麦当劳等sf 来载我们咯。结果衰的事，突然下大雨，搞到大家全军覆没，没一个干。最好笑是，挤在车上，两个女生看到一个昆虫在手上，喊到没有剩。。笑翻了。。。过后平息后，也到达大家姐家。在家冒了一下，就去看歌乐节节目。过后去mamak stall饮茶咯～～还跟chuang qian聊了下，也学了很多。。 第二天，当然是去mib练习咯，大家无精打采的准备出发。。练完，派了poster and ticket然后就回去那。。练多一下horn,就开始睡咯。到晚上就继续晚上的歌乐节。。 过后就跟sf车回家咯。。在车上原来他有教first KL，世界真真小。。希望还有更多机会跟大家玩在一块。。超期待的。。

what a wondeful hell day, need to pass up 3 assignment on the same day.Make me 24 hours cannot sleep.Need to rushing the assignment.when going to sch only can finish the hole assignment. The first 2 was pass up.but when the third 1 ready to be pass up, the tutor sudden said u can pass next week. make me wanna come out with the word~~~"fu*k"...haha But after all thing things.The first thing is need to dig into my bed first. So i just rushing and rushing back and have a good sleep for the 24 hours non-stop working..!! If knowing me first day, dont miss understanding.Because i m a last minit ppl..

今天是蛮无聊的一天，因为只有一堂课，陪了生病的龙龙去看医生。然后就去上课咯。。心情起伏很大，很想摆臭脸，可是又收起来了。又好像很无奈。悲哀。。剪了头发后，回家。都是锁碎的事。。 assignment assignment 竟然要在拜五交，一共是三分，累死人了。。好不想做，加上要练trombone and horn,时间不够用啦。。不过蛮矛盾的是，我很喜欢现在的样子，真的比以前充实多了，每天有不一样的交流，不一样的问题，不一样的乐谱，哈哈，不亦乐乎啊！ 自从读IT过后，我开始厌倦一样东西。。wire wire，弄到我都烦。。不知道为什么，特地为难我一样。。无聊。。

它是来的那么的突然 它是那么的无法预测 让我脸红心跳 让我无法入眠 影像在脑海里 触感在内心里 眼神里泄漏了 言语中曝露了 笑容满面 掩饰不了内心的澎湃 暧昧眼神 遮盖不了双方的链接 这就是爱的感觉

刚过奥运开幕，其实也没什么影响。。可能没什么兴趣吧？？今天一大早起来。。很想骂脏话，因为那个tuba player last minutes才通知我不能来载我，我好像热锅上不知该找谁载啦。。不过总算到那。。花了不少钱。还好是，今天终于拿到我心爱的horn，完全无法用言语来形容。可以把它带回家。当时感觉棒极了！lily, mingshi,feng cheng(dunno correct mah),chiam也在那看，更紧张。。拍照时，还有mingshi在后面cafeteria!!哈哈！！跟另一个player偷师，还不知道她的名，下次要问她。哈哈！加油咯，因为我又慢慢的往上爬。你们呢？？希望下次是在个为的癫峰见咯！！

all night i cannot sleep.My mind just thinking around the marching band that i watch last week.Like CHws,VI,JIt Sin,Catholic,MGS all these i really admire.MAny regret had make me sad and sorrow for now. although i m from marching band, but i never have a best performance or competition.We always get stuck with many political problems.Really遗憾！！ The honour that we can make in band.No one can understand if u are a outsider.The thing cannot bought by the money .It only can get from sweat time clap shout.Many thing make us pround of it.所谓的荣耀，can ppl underdstand?? i always done a lot of thing for band,sacrifice...ppl alway laugh at me ,said y u so stupid sticking with these thing.I jus tell him u wounldn know what is it.It really worth for me..although until i din get much from marching band... marching band , how how i wish to do a powerful performance jus like what i had saw las week,when i was at there,how i feel the pain, regret,almost want to cry.All these thing past and cannot go bac...

今天不知道为什么？当听到种种的投诉，我的眼泪真的毫不犹豫的掉了下来。谁可以告诉我到底是不是我做错了。。 心里好不舒服，好像害了我弟。说真话，弟在我身边多过于老妈。跟他相处的日子几乎5年了吧。。陪他玩，吃，睡觉，都是一起的。每天都是这样的度过。已经有了很重要的牵挂。。 目前我已经不在他身边了。变了，都不一样了。听到的，都不想知道。好心疼，为什么会这样？？到底出现了什么问题？ 是不是缺乏了什么?关心，还是什么？？缺了爱吗？妈妈给的爱？家里的温暖？因为爱所以形成这样的叛逆吗？大家都不在身边，是因为这样？ 希望过了今天他可以改变吧..也祝他生日快乐。。。。

what a tired tired raining day.Today when gather with friends,feel like they are all in low mood.is that affect by the wearther or other else??i am jus listen to my song"I need to be in love".Quite a moody song and i really love the tone ..make me very comfortable.after class i straightly go home with my dinner. My mummy just call me that telling me my brother getting worse st home. He has become the famous ppl in the sch.always has bad news from teacher mouth.What happen to him??How i wish i can sit down and listen to him, and ask him what happen to you?i think i done before?But he sounds like not willing to tell me. Ya, maybe he need mummy to tell.But seem like not, he also not willing to tell mummy.I am so worry about him now.Really make me wanna give up to look at him liao.But he is my bro, how can i give up.Actully i am not the ppl to open the window in his heart, but who now??i wish he can change abit. really!!

当然我也做了一份。当天一去集合，就看到一大堆的人挤在门前，说有free gift 窝？？值得吗？？我都快热疯了，还跟别人挤在那？？不晕才怪。。我当然是去做工咯，所以就集合在员工进去的地方咯。做sales的，就一直买。什么语言都讲，什么吹牛的话都说！！哈哈，感觉不亦乐乎！！看到那个人流，多到一条宽宽的路都会塞，场面非常好笑。 最糟糕的是。。吃饭的地方真的是kanasai，小到连脚都深不直，而且都酸到快痛了，吃饭休息还要受罪。不过好事是,我又遇到band member，超兴奋的。当我喊出trombonist的时候，他们也很配合的说出自己的乐器。高兴高兴。还跟我说他们来自中华。 这三天都是忙忙碌碌，累到半条命的度过。不过身为IT生，说真的，我学到了很多。很多书上confused的，现在都清楚了，一个很深的概念。可惜的是，很多东西看走眼，没买到啦。慢慢来，先把乐器买了再打算。大概都是这些咯，也没什么特别事！！不过人流多的地方，实在让人头晕。。。

今天为了我的presentation 忙了一整天。我不敢说做到最好，不过可以感觉到老师一直在点头。。蛮高兴一下。题目是那么的让人想睡觉。。“峇峇娘惹”，听了好像都快睡了，要讲的都是一些文化形成。演讲完后，老师说都没问题，只是语法不够好。一听心都安了。过后还拍了照，拍到不舍得走，哈哈！！ 到了晚上，当然是我最重要的时刻。也不可以有人剥夺这时间，那就是看全国m arching band comp 咯！！当晚其实是报着看了就算的心情。到了那，遇到了soon fatt,然后就坐在一起咯，刚跟jason摸熟后，笑到不会停。。还拍照。。大家都对我很好，谢！当看到chws，当时的心情又回来了。好想玩一次完整的，荣耀的，还要给家人朋友见证所有的现况。。真的就够了。。当看完后，一直不断的画面与浮现的感觉。。 还来不及看成绩就要回了，真是可惜到爆。。听sf说还可以认识chws的人。我会那么赶，都是那个“树妖”害的。。回家路途上，还要给的士骗钱。幸好遇到好心人一起回。。松了一口气。。当晚回到家就一直回想，真的真的很想再参加一次够够力力的演出。。真的！！

Maybe i can tryi to let u know wat my tittle name and wat actully mean to me.The common thing we know is when the black and white mix will become grey colour. what the hell ..for me conflict has the same meaning with the grey colour.And most thing is i think i m person who is in grey color ??When u see me, dont suspect, its me.always act like a childly childly boy boy.laugh and play,wat a nice world. My friends say when i going home,changing to another person, they say i m always in low spirital face.I think is coming soon to accept the days end...understand??SOmeday i will like the mood that attacking me.Suddenly i can sscold ppl, or even cry for withoutt any reason.really weird.the most thing is i m quite enjoying.好像处于灰色的我that me! But if u are not well with me maybe u really cant see..

not really started here but others blogi, now writing in a new blogi. hmm..take a long breath and dreaming in my room but doing nothing.Today was a busy busy day.Because of my tiredness from last nite that i dont willing to sleep, make me suffer this morning.I still have to wake early to finish my assignment. Rushing till the class time , continue rushing to school...busy..jus paying useless attention in the classroom.Quite enjoy dreamin at home.And surfing net to peep others blog.hope comin day have thing to me happy..boring1